short funny golf poems
A golfer hit his ball into the trap. Whos he thats just arrived?I know him well; When he does hit the ball, he swipes like blazes. Cheat, flatter, humbuganything for gain; And had he trod the worlds wide field, methinks. was on a warm spring day. Little Johnny: can your dick touch your asshole?Grandpa answers proudly; 'Yes, it can'. That would be too much of a coincidence.. Its funny how seriously we take this silly game sometimes. whose shoes don't fit on his small feet? Now optimism's in the air, A vaccine's on the way. Play golf.. He brought. Because these poems are so short, they offer plenty of room for humor. 21. I ask him., 34. 32. A married couple is lying in bed and talking about their future. What Is A Free Drop In Golf? So the dentist asks Martin, "Which tooth is it, Sir? A junior golfer was at their first golf lesson when they asked a question. The strong-sinewd son of Alcmena would drub. Made sport and bustle on North Berwick Links. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Where washerwomen erst and snobs were found! From exercise keen, from strength active and bold. Although golf was originally r. From the outfits to the fact that it is ridiculously expensive it s easy to poke fun at the sport. shy as ginseng, found only. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive., 44. come, theres another sich.. Jimmy Demaret. Gerard Manley Hopkins, more Hopkins: Poems. The preacher felt obliged to respond. I promise to love you. Dinky, stinky Shoeless Pete. autosweblog.com. 2. There once was a Scott named McAmeter. He watches the tournaments and every golf show An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, its always possible to get worse. FREE SHIPPING | FREE RETURNS | LIFETIME WARRANTY. Best golf poems ever written. Im sorry, he said, my terrible tee-shot hit one of your hens and killed it. Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores., 30 I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.. An insomniac young fellow named Hatches. His opponent play fair, and his fair one prove kind. Check out our collection of humorous and funny golf quotes below. Cheers to a woman. We reach the green at last, at even strokes; Some caddy chatters, that the chief provokes. We are pretty confident none of these will work in the 19th hole. I play in the low 80s. Born to golf; forced to work. 1. Here is a list of 15 funny poems for kids. This theory won't always translate into practice. Funny golf sayings and quotes. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Not all golf jokes are funny, but we hope a few of them brought a smile to your face. And before you know it he wants to trade up; The preacher teed it up, and hit a pretty fair drive, low and straight. There have been novels, short stories, essays, coffee table photo books and collections of art. Here Clan and Saddell; there swing Baird and I,, Our merits, thats to say; for half an eye. Three Words: Chuck Norris Golf. 18 hole weekend golf domesticity avoided greatness eludes them. Our adult only golf jokes are available here, or if you want jokes for all ages, check out our selection of fun, clean . Putter set adroit Two wiggles to line it up Ball slips by, Yips!. How Many Golf Courses Are There In The World. . Pam Ayres is a poet of the people, her humorous, clever, true-to-life observations has struck a chord and warmed our hearts since the Seventies.. At 15, she left school to work as a clerical assistant, before joining the Women's Royal Air Force. May you always have work for your hands to do. 53 Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness., 54 The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top., 55 Im not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, theyd come up sliced., 56 The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf its almost a law., 57 You build a golf game like you build a wall, one brick at a time., 58. On old Olympus, when it teemd with gods. A good walk spoiled. Little Boy Blue Darren Sardelli. I must admit that I wish he would spend less. Ive seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better, but the other counted better., 25. Have you heard of Shoeless Pete. Well win it yet, if I can cross the ditch: Theyre over, smack! If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Let us know in the comments down below! Clubbing! Some of the best golf jokes take a little more time to tell Two golfers are ready to tee off on the 11th hole when a Hurst and funeral procession passes by. Funny Golf Meme Who Gets Hurt Playing Golf Image. But on the twelfth hole, when he twice failed to hit out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and let fly with a string of expletives. Nick was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. 12. Whats your favorite poem on this list? After years of patient study (and with cricket there can be no other kind), I have decided that there is nothing wrong with the game that the introduction of golf carts wouldnt fix in a hurry., 85 You know what the game of golf is, dont you? My husband plays golf, or at least he does try. Golf is what you play when youre too out of shape to play other sports. Id watched the Open and the Masters, I hired some clubs and little white balls, From the tee I hoped my ball would sail high, But the ball stayed on that little blue tee, Id smile and say I dont have one at all. Nick says to Lou, Lets say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.. There s a lot to laugh about golf. ball from the same place. 7 On the Ning Nang Nong by Spike Milligan. Only the life that is built on the rock of character. The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green., 13. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the procession passes. A major golf tournament is 40,000 sadists watching 144 masochists., 26. Golf verses poems quotes for your handmade greetings cards and scrapbooks. and learn to play at Goff; The lord of Saddell and myself strike off! Rick Hunter, Not Smart Enough For A Smart Phone By His partner muttered something not so civil, Particularly, scoundrelsat the devil!, Now Baird and Clan in turn strike off and play. Near him is Saddell, dressd in blue coat plain. Saturday, July 20th, 2013. Can I replace the hen?, I dont know about that, replied the farmer, mulling it over. I cant wait., 65. 19. He was understandably upset and sought out the farmer. The difference between a whiff and a practice swing - no one curses after a practice swing. Well take them as they come:He next the wall. Did you spell check your submission? ', Martin and his wife Debbie walk into a dentist's office. A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. 84. 52 Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.. "That was a really nice thing to do," the second golfer says. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps. If you think that some clubs, a bag, balls and shoes There, she discovered a love for singing and acting, and began writing verses which she performed at a local folk club in Oxford. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters., 38 If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball., 39. Golf funny poems or funny poems about Golf. SHOELESS PETE. See Colonel Playfair, shaped in form rotund. And despite whatever you once believed, Gosh darn it, you're still alive. If you break 80, watch your business. Golf without Jones would be like France without Paris: leaderless, lightless and lonely.. And win, perhaps, three matches out of four. Its basketball for people who cant jump and chess for people who cant think., 86 I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.. Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf. -, 33. It has taken me nearly 40 years to discover that I cant play it., 64. Chip: Time to get our nails done again. 4. What could be the best of both worlds? Learn to laugh at your bad shots and youll start to enjoy this great game even more. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators., 7. He might have been prime minister, or priest. "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie.". What are poems you would like us to add to this list? It is bad to have an empty purse, But an empty head is a whole lot worse. Nine-tenths of whom, throughout the rolling year, Where, How dye do? Fine morning, Rainy day,. As they are retreating to the bedroom for the first time, the husband looks deeply into his wifes eyes. Poems are truly vehicles full of metaphors and other tools that can inspire our soul and make us feel relatable emotions. 13. Whiz goes the chiefa sneezer, by Old Harry! STOP! It works the balls so well against the wind. So Jim says, 'What's wrong? Swipe out, for distance, against any man; But in what course the ball so struck may go. Help me find my ball; you look over there, he says to Nick. 16. The female muse has sung the game of Goff. That golfer never had no one to watch. Now, Muse, assist me while I strive to name. Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have., 16. Never buy a putter until youve seen how well you can throw it. The great thing about starting golf in your forties is that you can start golf in your forties., 79 Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five., 80 You have the opposite of poker face. Golf is a game in which you yell four, shoot six, and write down five., 30. Confirmed, is wondrous apt to put us out. Read all poems about golf from aroun the world. Sometimes you have to laugh simply to stop crying. Yes, these will be your golden years. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe -, 34. Well playd, my cock! GolfIt is a game that mirrors real life. TIS morn! Funny Thoughts. You have to grip the club, dont you?, 18. And here, who knows but, as old Homer sung. Far and sure! there is honour and hope in the sound; Let it guide us in life; at the desk or the bar. Sent the ball flying after it was hammered! Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods. Health, happiness, harmony, friendship, and fame. Golf Chat Three old men on the golf course, (Each had trouble hearing well) Were playing a round on a breezy day, When one blew over and fell. The stance and the takeaway, the swing plane and height How Many Golf Courses Are There In The World. O hole! penalty provided it's not nearer the hole. There you go! We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Little Boy Blue, please cover your nose. Similar to that, you can use the humorous golf sayings to make a friend or meet a golfer. Herbert Warren Wind, TheStory of American Golf: Its Champions And Championships. To those fiends which each week with our balls we subdue? The value, the delight that in thee lies; Yet, without thee, our tools were useless all. We sincerely hope these poems got a chuckle or two out of you, and encourage you to share some of these with your friends and . I promise to love you. A humorous shaggy dog style poem mixing golf and sex. Here are some of the most funny and memorable quotes about golf. 5. A golfer was having a terrible round 20-over par for the front nine with a bunch of balls lost in the water or rough. These funny wedding readings and poems will fill your big day with laughter and reflect your personality as a couple . As long as he has trod St. Andrews Links. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Have all been dissected till nothing works right. The wine, the ale, the toasts, the jokes, the songs, It may not be! Funny Friendship Poems is a collection for those friends in your life that makes you smile or laugh extra hard. Quote #50 "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles." G. K. Chesterton. Instead of saving for someone elses college education, Im currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch., 66. ", "I don't know," replied the caddie, "the worms round here are very clever. And I know I'm supposed to go toward it, But I'm being waved back the other way. And, Whats the match? are preludes to the play. Conclusion. We've netted 10 fishing poems for you to enjoy on a day when you'd rather be fishing. ms on Golf, a poetry compilation by the Edinburgh Burgess Golfing Society. And though it appears so very sad, Twas teacher didn't know how to add, After all these years, to your delight, It's evident you are quite bright, You see your math was always right, For it happens just . Here is a collection of 20 golf quotes - some are inspirational and others are golf sayings that will hopefully bring a smile to your face. 2 Skin Stealer by Shel Silverstein. I doubt it, replied the caddie, dead-pan. OF rural diversions, too long has the chase. A ball moved or destroyed by enemy action, can be replaced without. Whoeer he was, the name befits thee well. 11. Tis strange, and yet there cannot be a doubt. 4 The People Upstairs by Ogden Nash. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, theyd starve to death., 21. Funny Sports Poems. May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain. Even God cant hit a 1 iron., 35. From which the best Golfer can never return. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a mulligan. A tuning fork goes off in your heart and your balls., 45. Would be all that he'd need, then you haven't a clue! 3 My Shadow by Robert Louis Stevenson. The Best Informational Products On The Internet Dismiss. Funeral arrangements for Nick have been set for Saturday at his favorite golf course. Golf: a 5-mile walk punctuated with disappointments. Alex comments to Jim, 'Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?' Funny Quotes. Your spouse can nag you full time now, And your kids will still annoy you. 6 If I Were King by A.A. Milne. Explained! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Youve just gotta make sure you keep your left arm straight and your head down longer.. 1. came the quick response. Martin says to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. Remember, there are five syllables in the first line, seven in the second line, and five in the third. Whispering: Hes on the road! Hes in the burn!. Many of them are bite-sized, great for recitation. Were here to help. Im not too sure. As all souls are equal before their Maker, a two inch putt counts the same as a 250 yard drive. World's okayest golfer. Our first standing toast we to Golfing assign. He pounds one down the center of the fairway. 715 J Street, Suite 306 San Diego, CA 92101. , the more likely it is that hell be telling you what you should be doing to fix your game. The tip-top hands that to the Club belong; Whose play, at times, can scarcely be surpassd. Its good to see there is still some respect in the world., Well, its only right, the first golfer replies. It seems to say, If you are going to keep company with me, dont embarrass me., 82. Conscious of nothing like a doubt or qualm, We start, and cry: Salute us, muse of fire!. Quotes. You might also like these funny quotes about golf. ORourke, Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book For Rude People. You play great for 17 holes and then hit your drive on #18 out of bounds. AGolfers can always win by knowing funny golf phrases. Has finally arrived. Explained! 2020, golf's crazy year When Covid made its call. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed these short one liners. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. But told our boys to clean the balls and tee em. Are you up for making your friends laugh in a game of golf? Rick, says John, you didnt seem the same on the course today. Consider the value of doing what you love and being paid for it! Six! he said and then hastily corrected himself No, no. ball!" 3 - keep the humor and the poems clean for all ages. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced., 36. It has been said that, at the break of day. There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' I went to the doctors, to fix my sleep. If Jove were thus engaged, we did not see him. There once was a man from Peru. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser., 2. Quarantine closed the courses; The return in fits and starts. I dont like golf carts. Funny Poems About Golf or Golf Funny Poems . Whos there? Rick and John have just finished an arduous round of golf. Caddie: This isn't the golf course, sir, we left that an hour ago. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable., 83. I have observed, he said in a calm voice, that the best golfers do not use foul language., I guess not, said Steve, what the hell do they have to bitch about?. And down through contact, always down, striking the ball crisply, with character. He still tossed and turned. GolfThis is a fascinating game. Golf all the dayand Houris all the night! Friends Play Golf Together . penalty. With which I need not decorate my verses. ', Jim replies, 'One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress.' It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Im a hooker., Thats OK, said the husband. Everyone loves a good knock-knock golf joke. Wars, storms, and thundersall would have been off! Reader, attend! Alex and Jim are trying to get in a quick 18 holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it's supposed to go. Here you will find List of poems with theme as golf and also funny poems. He spouts meaningless numbers and hole-by-hole plays. Im addicted to golf., 37. Your email address will not be published. Explained! What do you call it here in Ireland? After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, Hitting three., 57. Its cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart., See also: Heres One Quote from Every Talk in the October 2021 General Conference, 59. The Masters played in November And the Open, not at all. To this day, I have never been asked by my dad to play golf. See also: 21 Intoxicating New Orleans Quotes to Inspire Your Trip to the Big Easy, Your email address will not be published. A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe; a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible.. The golf balls are the important things-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions-and . Had I the powers of him who sung of Troy, Or him, the bard of Rome, who, later, told, How great neas roamd and fought of old. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket., 4. Theyre one ahead, but we have four to play. I'm just here for the 19th hole. View best golf short poems. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. He answered, Well, on the 4th hole, Harry had a heart attack and died. 22. 11. Ive found my ball! he announces triumphantly. Sub-category. Parade, the unrivalld Falstaff of the ground; He laughs and jokes, plays, what you like, and yet. A reminder to not be too hard on himself. As Jimmy sank his putt, Matt suddenly jumped out of the cart and dropped his pants. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling., 35. He browses the internet and reads magazines; Alex responds, 'That could be a problem. Molly, his wife, told him, 'Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat.'. That Golfing of field sports stands foremost in fame. 49. Read, share, and enjoy these Golf funny poems! I've separated them by theme such as family, animals, silliness, and much more. The Mirror By Were he but once in Parliament, methinks. And had a most terrible fall. Life And Laughter. 1. In addition to golf poems of famous poets there is a huge collection of other unique poems in our website. But better play succeeds, these blunders past. Because, in fact, youll find them all in Dante. May the sun shine bright on your windowpane. Golf camaraderie, like that of astronauts and Antarctic explorers, is based on a common experience of transcendence; fat or thin, scratch or duffer, we have been somerwhere together where non-golfers never go.. . The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. What are the best golf poems ever? 15. My lord, or plain Sir David at the least! The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has., 32. He would have promisd, in the land of light. Now, lift the stones, but do not touch the ball. 25. Nandita Shailesh Shanbhag, If Four Is A Party, This Is A Parade By It's how well you recover from them, that's the mark of a great player.". I prefer walking. Edgar Albert Guest (4 poem) Billy Collins (1 poem) Andrew Lang (1 poem) Ellis Parker Butler (1 poem) Robert Fuller Murray (2 poem) Norman Rowland Gale (1 poem) search . Whether you are looking for a poem about how bad you are at golf, or about your wife who wants you home instead of out at golf, you will find what you are looking for in this collection. Then why did you mark down eight? asked Bob. If you break 100, watch your golf. The Spider and the Fly by Mary Howitt. GolfIt is an outdoor recreational sport that probably originated in Scotland in the 15th century. Required fields are marked *. More Short Golf Jokes & Puns. May 9 2018 explore patricia roma s board golf poems on pinterest. If you enjoy the game of golf you are driven to improve. 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A life built on the sands of materialism. Poem details by jan allison categories. . Its alive, this swing, a living sculpture! You can find the best poems ever down below! Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. I have never been a golfer. The Rock and the Bubble by Louisa May Alcott. Shut your mouth, and open your eyes, And you're sure to learn something to make you wise. If you are caught in a storm and are afraid of lightning hold up a 1 iron. Something thats ours and ours alone. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play., 42. 21. Required fields are marked *. They are sun-tanned. There young Patullo stands, and he, methinks. The pricing of golf wear just couldn't be crasser - tho small, and scarcely to be seen. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. ", Martin turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth and show him, dear.". The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. Ive played the game for 40 years and I still havent the slightest idea how to play., 43 While playing golf today I hit two good balls. "I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's game: it's called an eraser.". GolfIt is popular in Ireland and Scotland but it is also very popular in the United States, particularly among Presidents. While you read these funny poems, take a moment to refresh your memory about the rules for haikus. Im addicted. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie., 3. Two ants lived in a sand trap on a golf course. But when we meet, as here, to play at Golf. You should always try before you buy, especially when buying a putter. It's about knowing ur self. What Does It Mean When Your Golf Tee Flies Backward? ", She said, "Then I'll be here at nine o'clock.". There s a lot to laugh about golf. I am a golfing addict and every chance I get Im going to go and have a round., OK, said his wife. Golf humorous me sports flog is an apt anagram of golf i d watched the open and the masters and thought that l d give golf a try i hired some clubs and little white balls from the tee i hoped my ball would sail high i lined up perfectly and took a swing but the ball stayed on that little blue tee i tried again and missed it once more. Subscribe. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. 19. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf humor, golf. Down below are some of the funniest golf poems in existence for you to enjoy at laugh at. When you have no money. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: Its called an eraser. -, 23. Lewis Carroll. Feel free to recite these at family gatherings or to a loved one. Arnold Palmer. Because they dont want to wake up the people watching. Disclaimer: As an Amazon associate and associate to other companies, we earn from qualifying purchases. To find out his dream had come true! May 9, 2018 - Explore Patricia Roma's board "Golf Poems" on Pinterest. When August brings the great, the medal day! P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. The 8 Best Golf Poems Ever - Inspirational Golf Poems. Sounder of pigs ruined golf course coming to you. Knock, knock. *. And well he plays, though, rising on his toes. 18. What Is A Free Drop In Golf? BALLS, clubs, and men I sing, who first, methinks. BOOM YOU'RE A CAKE! Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. That caused such surprise. This Harmless Looking Little Sphere. Life is so filled with pleasure, If you work at it, it's golf., 29. "I'm the best. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. It was terrible! We could all smile more while playing the game. If I hit it left, it's a hook. Bagger Vance, The Legend Of Bagger Vance. 20. Men of all sizes, tempers, ranks, and ages; The work by day, the source of dreams by night. How many eggs a day do you lay?. The club, the spoon, the putter, and the ball: For all is doneeach ball arranged on tee. 14. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. We sincerely hope these poems got a chuckle or two out of you, and encourage you to share some of these with your friends and family! John told him, One stroke penalty, for improving your lie., After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and asked, Ive been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but whats a rider?, The pro said, A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it., Nick and Lou head out for a quick round of golf. What Is Alternate Shot In Golf? After holing out on the fourth green and marking his six on the scorecard, John asked Bob, Whatd you have?, Bob went through the motions of mentally counting up.