what to say when someone says you're overthinking

Psychological Science. Ask the Holy Spirit . I focus too much on the details. As psychotherapist Kimberly Perlin, MSW, LCSW-C says, "People respond best to positive feedback that is specific." Say something like "I adore your tenacity" or "The way you handle situations. Do you have a strong need to know or understand how your mind works? 2018. I need to eat less." When I work too much, I can say, "I'm getting burned out. For personal advice, please consult with a medical professional. Your health and wellness is unique to you, and the products and services we review may not be right for your circumstances. The Anxious Thoughts Workbook: Skills to Overcome the Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts that Drive Anxiety, Obsessions & Depression. If they truly arent in the mood to talk, let them know youre on standby and will rush to their side (in person or via text) whenever they call. Ot even that I will forget to lock the door and someone will break in while Im gone. Armandina L. Not responding right away when I am asked a question. Robin W. Taking a long time to answer, because Im mulling everything over too much. Spending time on these thoughts can lead to significant personal distress. Carrie Potter, LMHCA, therapist who specializing in anxiety, Alex Ly, AMFT, registered associate marriage and family therapist, Dana Myers, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker, Sara Sharnoff Tick, MS, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist, Anjani Amladi, MD, board-certified adult psychiatrist, Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist, Michelle Pargman, LMHC, licensed mental health counselor, Donna T. Novak, PsyD, licensed psychologist, Sarah Hubbell, MAS-MFT, LAMFT, relationship therapist, The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited. With just a little effort, you can adjust your thinking and take steps to replace overthinking with more productive self-reflection and problem-solving. It can also lead to relationship anxiety, and behaviors like constantly needing reassurance or attempting to control other people. You need to learn to leave the things you do or say in the past. "Problem-solving is when you ask questions with the intent of finding an answer and/or enacting a solution," says Dr. Fowler. So its harder to fall into a deep slumber when your brain is busy overthinking everything.. When I zone out, its when my mind plays out every possible and even some impossible situations that could happen during the days activities. Liv W. I get worried when theres an even slight change in the persons tone and start apologizing for things I mightve done wrong. That just madethe overthinking worse. Ros H. Asking my husband 100 times a day if hes really happy with me even though he tells me 101 times a day that he is very happy with me. Abbey R. I get distant like Im not fully there. "See how they respond," Overstreet says. Every thought you have will not be truthful, accurate, or even realistic. If you notice yourself overthinking, there are steps you can take to limit your worrying and cope in a healthier way, says Duke. Don't run away from that fact. 2 Clark, D. A. Anytime I think about calling for an appointment, I feel stressed. , Im indecisive. You can now share your poetry (or poetry you love) by using the hashtag #MightyPoets, Former Mighty editor // Current MSW student // In love with helping people tell their stories. You might even convince yourself that thinking about something for a really long time is the key to developing the best solution. As Tony Robbins says, "Let fear be a counselor and not a jailor." It's time to face your fears so that you can overcome them - and use these seven ways to stop overthinking everything for good. I relive embarrassing moments in my mind over and over. You could waste a lot of time thinking your life would be better if youd only taken that other job or not started a business. Learning how to reframe them in a more positive way can help relieve the tendency to overthink. Rather than worry all day every day, you can contain your worries to just 15 minutes a day. You might try to convince yourself that thinking longer and harder helps you. Avoid exploding emotionally, and instead give yourself time enough to calm your immediate feelings. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. Makes people feel weird and random, but probably not as weird as I feel having to say sorry without even knowing why. , I put off necessary things like medical appointments, because I overthink whether its important enough or not. Generally, "overthinking" refers to the process of repetitive, unproductive thought. You Seek Perfection in Everything You Do. While some anxious folks shut down, this person might actually be the one reaching out to you, possibly to vent about their stress or talk about whatevers weighing heavy on their mind. Take worry, for example, which is a hallmark feature of generalized anxiety disorder, says Dattilo. Terms. 2. Are you often in a struggle to control your thoughts. Makes people feel weird and random, but probably not as weird as I feel having to say sorry without even knowing why. Marika K. I put off necessary things like medical appointments, because I overthink whether its important enough or not. (Hint: seeking reassurance only. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Lists. If I have it all planned out, then I feel like I have more control of the outcome of the situation, even if its a bad one. Are you easily aware of what youre thinking at any given moment? From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. 9. If you're wondering whether you are overthinking a particular situation or concern, there are a few things you can look for. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. Post-Its on my fridge with the same information that is written on my wall calendar and desk calendar. , Take notes and write everything down. It's like my brain won't shut off," or, "I can't stop thinking about how my life could have been better if I'd have done things differently.". They may be able to help you organize your thought process into something a bit more productive. To find out what others dont realize people are doing because theyre overthinking, we consulted with the wonderful overthinkers in our mental health community. But for people with anxiety, If youre someone who overthinks, and its impacting your life in a negative way, there are things you can do that help. Rather than worry all day every day, you can contain your worries to just 15 minutes a day. It might help alleviate embarrassment or worse the notion that youre trying to cure them. But thinking is a two-way street, says Dattilo. 5. Overthinking isnt the same as healthy problem-solving. Its sort of like a chicken or egg type conundrum. Overthinking is exhausting. Instead of going over something in your mind again and again, you can start to take the steps necessary to resolve the situation. 3) Separate truth from fiction. Overthinking is also different than self-reflection. I have to plan when I wake up, what I wear, if Ill even go, everything. And that you always will.". My brain is going over 30 possibilities for one thing. Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation. 2016;147:170-183. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2015.10.044, Michl LC, McLaughlin KA, Shepherd K, Nolen-Hoeksema S. Rumination as a mechanism linking stressful life events to symptoms of depression and anxiety: longitudinal evidence in early adolescents and adults. So, when left to its own devices, the brain will overthink, says Dattilo. Remind them that theyre safe (if they are, that is) and suggest a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Assuring them youre a safe person to reach out will help them feel less alone. Reach out to someone else who knows this person and see what they think. 1) Keep track of triggers and patterns A little mindfulness and attention can go a long way toward getting a grip on overthinking. Another way to connect with someone whos feeling anxious is by leading with a comment about your own anxiety or stress. I overthink about almost everything. Ill think, Oh god, did I do this right? , Replay conversations over in my head to make sure I didnt say anything to offend anyone. And if I am even one minute late, I get upset and panic and feel like I failed. , Over-explaining myself. They can help you develop the mental tools and coping skills you need to prevent overthinking. Obsessing about every little thing other people do and say can also mean that you misunderstand what they are trying to convey. Our partners cannot pay us to guarantee favorable reviews of their products or services. Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Caroline & Nat First Met At A House Party Over A Decade Ago, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. Its a repetitive cycle that can be tough to break. Commissions we earn from partner links on this page do not affect our opinions or evaluations. J Abnorm Psychol. 2023 Forbes Media LLC. "If you want, I'd love to hear more about [Name].". David A. Clark, Ph.D., is a practicing clinical psychologist and Professor Emeritus with the Department of Psychology at the University of New Brunswick. Bursting into tears because Ive gone from zero to 60 in 10 seconds and have just imagined the worst case scenario that I cant imagine dealing with. , Ill constantly criticize how I do things, say wiping a bench or something. Zoning out. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way. As your mental health declines, you are more likely you are to ruminate on your thoughts. But time spent overthinking wont enhance your life at all, regardless of whether it's 10 minutes or 10 hours. For example, when you dont fall asleep right away, you might imagine that youll be overtired the following day. Journaling is a helpful way to get your thoughts out of your head so theyre not overwhelming you as much. Overthinking is a problem for another type of thinking that I discussed in a previous post: negative intrusive thoughts. But the two are definitely distinct. Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. Also, explore different types of overthinking, the effects on your mental health and relationships, and how to stop overthinking things in your life. 7. 9. (If it was possible to snap out of it, they would.) Practicing mindfulness means being present in the moment and noting what you're feeling. Bursting into tears because Ive gone from zero to 60 in 10 seconds and have just imagined the worst case scenario that I cant imagine dealing with. Amy L. Ill constantly criticize how I do things, say wiping a bench or something. Positive reframing. Stressful events, depression, and anxiety can make people more prone to overthinking, and then this overthinking contributes to worse stress, anxiety, and depression. I also feel I would waste a doctors time with my minuscule problem, that people will think Im an attention-seeker. Here are several truths to realize: You're only human. I spend so much time trying to calculate all the pros and cons of any decision. A lot. The more you think about a problem, the worse you feel. I spend so much time either dwelling on past events or worrying about the future that I often miss what's going on in. It's very likely that you are wasting a lot of time looking for second opinions and researching your options, when ultimately, those little choices might not matter so much. No questions asked. Fanyy F. We do not offer individual medical advice, diagnosis or treatment plans. Such behavior can harm your relationships with others. Second, we also include links to advertisers offers in some of our articles; these affiliate links may generate income for our site when you click on them. This site does not include all companies or products available within the market. This is an example of grounding, a technique designed to help a person focus on the present moment to help detract from their feelings of anxiety and distress, Anjani Amladi, M.D., a board-certified adult psychiatrist, tells Bustle. You can, however, validate their feelings, Mack says, while also offering supportive and more reality-based messages of hope and well-being.. Maybe you keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong when you give your presentation next week, or youve wasted countless hours trying to decide what to wear to your upcoming job interview. It is also purposeful. Making a list or plan is more action-oriented, and that can calm our ruminating brain a bit, too, says Dattilo. Many of my clients have expressed frustration, even anguish, with their relentless experiences of self-imposed mental interrogation. Then I feel both relieved and unhappy, because Im stuck with the medical problem, but I avoided what I was anxious about. I use it to think about the possible upcoming situations that can happen in my planned day. In doing so, you will reclaim your brainpower, energy, and time. It can also play a role in mental health issues like anxiety and depression, so it is important to find ways to break out of such destructive thought patterns. You're creative. If youre looking for a mental health provider, what type of treatment are you looking for? Ill just stare off into space. This one serves as a gentle reminder that, even though it never feels like it in the moment, anxious feelings do eventually fade. Signs of overthinking include: An inability to think about anything else Being unable to relax Constantly feeling worried or anxious Fixating on things outside of your control Feeling mentally exhausted Having a lot of negative thoughts Replaying a situation or experience in your mind Second-guessing your decisions It might feel like youre the only one lying awake at night, dwelling on a decision you made earlier that day or worrying about tomorrows to-do list. To cope with that Ive tried to give myself the same choice and make the same decision. Pack everything when going on a trip. 2017;91:72-77. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2017.01.012, Chwyl C, Chen P, Zaki J. Beliefs about self-compassion: Implications for coping and self-improvement. Deciding in a split-second makes me uncomfortable, especially because during the time Im forced to choose quickly, I spend the time after my decision mulling over what could have happened instead and how I would have been happier with that other choice. I get lost in thoughts, stress out if theyre bad or too much, and then end up with headaches, which are also complained about. Raven A. "Those only are happy (I thought) who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Fortunately, there are several mental strength exercises you can do to change the channel in your brain from overthinking into a more healthy mindset. Overthinking sometimes involves beating yourself up for the decisions you already made.

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